30 more victims of one pedophile priest come forward when book published, probably just the tip of the iceberg

By Kay Ebeling

"I’ve sent the bishop eight survivors of Neary and each one said the bishop told them they were the only person that had come forward about Neary," said Charles Bailey, pictured at right. He is getting justice today for brutal sex crimes committed against him at age ten by Father Thomas Neary, by putting his story out in the public. His book In The Shadow Of The Cross gives graphic shocking disgusting PTSD-inducing detail of the serial felonies, and you cannot put it down. More alarming, Bailey went on a small book tour in the Syracuse area where the book takes place, and in venue after venue, people came up after he spoke and said, "my brother was also raped by Neary," or my uncle, my husband, my dad - dozens of people with the same horrid story of the same horrid modus operandi.

With young Bailey and numerous others, Neary insinuated himself into families, convinced reverent mothers that their young boys were almost perfect for the priesthood, they just needed personal counseling. In household after household in towns like Onondaga Hill, Hannibal, Jordan, and Skaneateles, Father Neary convinced mothers to keep the rest of the children aside as he took a 9 or 10 year old boy into a room - then while reciting The Lord’s Prayer he sodomized them, prepubescent boys, or forced his face-sized penis into the their mouths, all the time telling the boys that sodomy and fellatio are part of their training to be a priest.

In the Shadow of the Cross tells so outlandish a story, even I began to wonder if it could be true, especially since Charles Bailey says probably 30 people have come to him so far, saying they or a family member were assaulted by Neary. Yet, NONE OF THEM will tell their story alongside Charlie in public, or even to a reporter or blogger like me, even if we keep details anonymous.

No one will go public yet at least.

However go to Google and type in Father Thomas Neary and you begin to see the tip of the iceberg toppling. Two bloggers, one a renowned political satirist, the other the Editor of City Eagle in New York document the slow coming forward of other victims of pedophile priest Father Thomas Neary, (blogs quoted and linked below).

After Bailey spoke at Creekside Books in 2007, he said, “a dozen or fifteen people came forward, all of them to talk about young men assaulted by Neary. A woman said her husband, a Neary victim, committed suicide when their son was in his teens. She hoped the book would help her son, who a decade later still hates his father. She wouldn't talk about it much but she did say that after reading this book maybe her son would let go of his bad feelings about his dad.”

Neary, pictured below right, devastated Bailey’s body from age 10 to 12, and Bailey dives right in with detailed portrayals of Neary’s assaults. On page 4 he describes “I see him grin and groan as if he is in a really happy state” asNeary has an orgasm, how “he tells me to stop crying and clean myself up. I now know enough to keep a box of Kleenex on the floor under the edge of the bed. Just for his visits." Bailey writes: "I stuff tissues in my bottom and make my way to the bathroom. Don’t get blood anywhere, he tells me. I know that it has to be private between he and my priest, because I don't want to anger you more, God. As I close the bathroom door, I hear him telling my mother not to worry, as I may be upset. It is very emotional to be ‘counseled’ to become a priest.”

This is from Page 6:

“He makes me kneel before him and clasp my two little ten-year-old hands together, like when we receive communion. What are we doing? We pray the Lord’s Prayer. ‘Thy will be done,’ Father Neary repeats that part. I am on my knees staring at his zipper."

This is from Page 7:

“As he helped me to lower his zipper, here was this hard penis staring me in the face. It was hard, hairy, and smelly. Why is there hair? I have no hair except on my head. ‘This is special, just for men of God,’ Neary said. ‘You too will be like this when you get older and help other young boys become priests.' ”

*****************
You can buy the book at: http://www.intheshadowofthecross.net/home.asp
********************************

For three years Bailey endured brutal crimes more than a hundred times, with the pain, the systematic cleaning up, bleeding into the toilet, then stuffing tissues into his rectum to keep the rest of the blood from dripping down his legs. You picture him, carefully folding paper towel into one pocket, Kleenex into the other, he lived in fear that Neary would pick him up when he wasn’t prepared with tissue in one pocket Kleenex in the other exactly as Neary demanded.

Today Charles Bailey plagued with degenerative disk disease, neuropathy, the chronic pain with which it seems so many pedophile priest rape survivors live.

(Continued below after this commercial)
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I asked Bailey,

Do you ever think that because you were so young - at ten years old you are still growing, your cells are still forming - that having these experiences with Neary sodomizing you, all that pain and the horror -- that it somehow put a kind of neural poison into your cells -- that the serial rapes with all that pain and internal confusion, actually damaged you at a cellular level, and is the reason you have all these health problems today?

BAILEY: I do think that. I’ve had two lower back surgeries as a young man and two cervical spine surgeries and I definitely think there’s a connection to the sexual assaults by Neary, because like you said.

Assaults by pedophile priests do damage to us at a cellular level, especially when we are young children when it happens, our bodies growing and cells still forming as we experience this trauma and process it the way we process it.

In fact as I read Bailey’s book In the Shadow of the Cross over a period of weeks, my own body pained up in its own brand of neuropathic dystrophy, whatever you want to call it - I couldn't write, could barely get my tape transcription jobs done - for the entire time I was reading his book.

Bailey said, “I went to pain management and was on 28 pills a day not long ago, and just the side effects the upset stomach and the nausea were awful

“And I was still in pain.

“So I quit them all, all the pharmaceuticals.’

How do you deal with the chronic pain?

“I just mentally tell myself that it goes along with the arena. It’s like the story, you feel bad about not having any shoes until see a guy with no feet. I tell myself I'm in agony, this hurts, but at least I can feel, there are people out there worse off than me.

“Many times, hair in the back of my neck stands up when people say pedophilia is only about power. It’s not.”

Bailey describes this scene in the book, and in a recent interview:

“I was holding onto the bedspread and I could see his expression. He’s having the time of his life back there and I was not a willing participant. It is about sexual pleasure for pedophiles.”

Bailey vents more on the topic of in Chapter 10: “Put It Behind You”

“Everywhere I have researched it, I have read that anal intercourse performed on a young boy by a man in his forties, (much less a Catholic priest) is illegal. It is a crime, and it should not be labeled as simply a mistake or mischief. It is not only a crime, but it is a felony crime. That is, it seems, unless you belong to the Catholic Church. . . .”

“These people who utter these ignorant words, put it behind you , it was so long ago, just forget about it, Move on. - and many other hurtful words, they just don’t get it. I sometimes feel they have ‘chosen ignorance,’ as I have dubbed it. they cannot allow themselves to believe the facts, of the sexual abuse by clergy, because then they would have to admit to the abuse done by their priests to countless children.

“These Catholics can’t seem to handle the truth. Otherwise they would be as outraged at their church as the victims are.”

*********************
BAILEY CONTINUES ON PAGE 68 of
In the Shadow of the Cross:
************************************

“Strange too, how there exists no statute of limitations on murder. Years passing mean nothing to a murder case. The victim can’t be there for the trial either. But I am here, and I can testify as to what, where, and how it happened. Isn’t that a leg up on a murder trial?”

I asked, Do you feel frustrated by survivors who won't go public or tell their stories to the media?

Almost every place Bailey speaks in the rural area near Syracuse pictured here (click to enlarge), he finds more victims of the prolific pedophile priest Thomas Neary. “One mother came up and said her son committed suicide about eight years ago, that he was he was an altar boy, in Skaneateles. Another guy is coming up from (a southern state). He says since reading the book, he realizes he has unfinished business. He’s a (professional) and this journey has interrupted his life but he has to come back. So he’s taking an indefinite period of time off work to come here and find out what happened to him.”

Still none of them wants to come forward in the public with their stories and stand beside Bailey, which frustrates the author as well as myself.

“The more people that come forward, the more credible this becomes,” Bailey said.

He understands the fear of “coming out”

Sort of. Bailey says:

“Most of the new Neary victims are prominent people in the area here. They're still in a job or career, some are politicians or doctors or lawyers, and they don't want their name associated with being a survivor of this, and I have to admit if I wasn’t retired, I would probably feel the same way.”

BUT

“I think the more victims stay silent in the case of Neary and other perpetrators the more these guys are out there still abusing children,” Bailey said. “By not coming forward, they're, I don't know if I’d use the word enabling -

“But yeah-

“By not coming forward, they're pretty darn close to enabling their perpetrator and others like him to continue perpetrating.”

So the iceberg topples.


POLITICAL SATIRIST and Radio commentator BARRY CRIMMINS, pictured at right, says Neary tried to make him a victim but he didn't succeed because he was savvy from a previous childhood experiences. In his BLOG, July 2007, Crimmins wrote this about encountering Charles Bailey in Skaneateles, that he almost got assaulted by Neary. Crimmins says he fought off Neary.

“(Neary) knew he couldn't sexually abuse me. On two occasions, when he started to massage my shoulders, I literally hit him as hard as I could with an elbow and fled.

“I had an added-on survival reflex (due to a previous assault) that kicked in as soon as the monstrous Neary put his slimy hands upon me. He persisted a bit and offered me rides in his car.

“Most of the children in town soon knew you should never take a ride from Father Queery."

FATHER QUEERY
Hey, they were kids, they did not know any better

You can read Climmens entire post at:

http://www.barrycrimmins.com/index.php?page=news&display=317

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In addition

Here is another account of a survivor of Neary coming out because of Charles Bailey’s book In the Shadow of the Cross at:

http://cnylink.com/cnynews/view_news.php?news_id=tE1188488025t46d6e35912b85

by Ellen Leahy, Editor/City Eagle 08/30/07

“Alfie and my friend started again to discuss the book, as Alfie had had a run-in with Rev. Neary. He said that as a young boy he had worshipped with his family at St. Mary’s and had really looked up to Neary. You have to put yourself into a young boy’s mind, and the reverence one has for their priest, especially 40 years ago.

(emphasis mine, Neary picture below left)


“Alfie said Neary started out with some inappropriate touching that was very confusing and then he made a move on him, which included shoving his tongue down the young Rossi’s throat. Alfie went home and told his father he didn’t want to go to church anymore and his father without question said, okay. They never discussed why at the time.”

**************************

BAILEY: “My Wife Susan is the angel God sent me, at least half the reason why I'm here at all."

They have been married 35 years

BAILEY: She is my personal pit bull.

Read why below:

“We can forgive if you clean this up,” Susan Bailey said.

STORY CONTINUES AFTER VIDEO


Susan Bailey told me:

“I called Bishop Moynihan in Syracuse and I met with him. At first he said I don't want to talk about this, but after awhile, I talked him into giving my husband free counseling once a week for six years.

“Charles got stronger with each therapy session. In the very beginning Charlie was truly a victim. He was broken down and he needed counseling. I'm the one that went in and talked to the bishop."

***********
She even tracked down the pedophile priest's brother, and went to his house. She wanted to know everything.
***********************************

Susan Bailey, pictured at right, continues:

“I was so angry I even went to Fr. Neary’s brother’s house and wanted to know everything.

“Oh he doesn't live too far. My husband got on the computer we found Mr. Neary to see if he would apologize for his brother.

"I went to the brother’s house, banged on the door and said, I used to live in this neighborhood and wanted to talk to you. I went in and I said, I want to talk to you about your brother and he automatically said, leave the room to his daughter.

"I sat down with him for at least two hours and he told me everything and spent hours with me.

"Then before he left he said, I would like to apologize to your husband. And he did."

*****************
She realized it was the same house where much of the abuse of Charlie Bailey by Father Thomas Neary took place -

It was the same exact house
**********************************

Susan Bailey continued:

What was freaky is the house. I was looking around the house and it was all antiques..

In that very room Mrs Neary, his wife, used to give Charlie and other boys cookies after they were molested in the room nearby.

SUSAN: I said did Father Neary bring children to the house? And he said, yes, all the time. They would go to the back room and he would counsel them.

***********
And so the iceberg topples a little bit more
*************************************

Wherever Bailey and his wife Susan go, they take cards with an 800 number and information about the book, Bailey still makes public speeches.

They continue to find more survivors of Neary and other priests in the region but:

“They don’t want to talk,” Susan Bailey says.

“In the beginning, I understand it. I found this one survivor. One of my friends called me and said, I know this guy that's a cop and firefighter on the weekends and he was a victim of Father Neary. I know because he was always with him, I just know he was.

Susan Bailey continues:

“I picked up the phone and called him at the police station. He called me back. I said I heard you were abused by Father Neary. So was my husband. He wanted to meet right away.

"I got in my car and met him in a restaurant, then he came to our house and he spent five hours at our house.

But he said I don't want anyone to know about this and don’t use my name even with the bishop. He gave us the name of other possible victims.

Then by the time he left, he said okay to say his name to the bishop but not in the news media.

*******************
Well City of Angels has expressed before how we feel.

Keeping the story secret of felonies committed on you by pedophile priests is being self destructively timid - the only way we will ever see justice is when there are hundreds of stories documented and we can see the similarities from state to state, city to city:
**************************************

“So many of them do the same thing,” said Susan Bailey.

“Constantly you can pick up any book, almost every story is exactly the same. When you talk to other victims, these guys do the same thing to their victims, it’s like they were taught in seminary.”

*****************
BAILEY: I’ve sent the bishop eight survivors of Neary and each one said the bishop told them they were the only person that had come forward about Neary
********************************

“I’ve sent the bishop eight survivors of Neary and each one said the bishop told them they were the only person that had come forward about Neary

“Eight Neary victims I know of were told that nobody spoke about Neary before they did by Bishop Moynihan..

BAILEY: What I found is, I’ve spoken to 4 to 500 abuses so far doing the hotline and some of the peer counseling I do. When it comes to someone that's a victim of the same perpetrators. it kicks it up a notch. It’s a lot more difficult to, I don't know what the right word is even. You connect but it’s almost like you connect too much.

Bailey is documenting Thomas Neary’s 45 year career of raping kids

“I disclosed in 2002 what happened to me, and after the one article they've been calling me to say they too are a victim.

“One guy called me at midnight and said I just had to call you. You were on the news talking about sexual abuse with a picture of Neary. He just sat up and said that's him that's him. His wife said what, and he said, that's what I’ve been holding in 37 years. Then he took next days off from work to tell his family and friends.

“He had thought about it but he thought he was the only one.

"These guys (pedophile priests) are masters. I also thought Neary was an anomaly. I thought I was maybe one or a couple."

CHARLES BAILEY: Thomas Neary had a 45-year career of raping children, and the story is just beginning to come out.

***
Onward. . .

***
Giving credit where credit is due: I got the tip to track down Charles Bailey for a story after Peggy Warren interviewed the author on her monthly internet webcast/cable TV show Educating to End Abuse from Wichita, Kansas on WCTV.

For more information go to: http://www.educatingtoendabuse.com/id36.html

Fransciscans try to get easy dismissal of Ongoing Public Nuisance case by slipping it in with Clergy Cases 2003 then saying it is too late. . .

*****
By Kay Ebeling

Now Church Attorneys want to move the Ongoing Public Nuisance suit against the Franciscans in Santa Barbara down to LA Superior Court, performing more legal tomfoolery when they think no one is looking. Paul Gaspari, representing the Friars, came out of nowhere last week with a "Request to Add” the Ongoing Public Nuisance case in Santa Barbara, filed December 2007, onto the the “Coordinated Cases” in LA, filed during the unique window of opportunity in California in 2003.

That window was open one time only. I watched the original judge Haley Fromholz dismiss one claim after another last year for being too late, even cases that were filed in the early morning just hours past the deadline at midnight.

At first it looks like lazy lawyering. Then I happened to hear Naomi Klein author of Shock Doctrine on Air America Radio this morning, talking about our current American leadership:

“Don't call them incompetent because they know exactly what they are doing,” Naomi Klein said on the Stephanie Miller Show this morning.

I truly believe there is one very sleazy consulting firm calling the shots for both the Bush Administration and the National Conference of Bishops, as the Catholic Church continues to hide thousands of sex crimes in American archdioceses the last 50 years.

NOTE: Entire Opposition brief at: http://cityofangels11.blogspot.com/ -Note to Church Attorneys. To have your briefs copy and pasted for City of Angels readers, please email them to me as a Word doc at: cityofangelslady@yahoo.com

Gaspari probably thinks Judge Elias will dismiss the new Santa Barbara case, as it certainly was filed a good while after the December 31, 2003, Coordinated Cases deadline.

Gaspari likely makes this request hoping Elias will then have no choice but to dismiss the case.

“Secrecy is the name of the Franciscans’ deadly game,” writes Tim Hale in his opposition.

"The subject lawsuit seeks a court order ending the secrecy. The Franciscans’ corporate practice is a continuing Public Nuisance," Hale writes in the opposition brief.

“The subject Request to Add On is consistent with the Franciscans’ policy of secrecy. With twenty-four (24) Franciscan perpetrators and fifty-nine (59) victims since 1964, Santa Barbara is the epicenter in the Province of the harm caused by the Franciscans.”

The number of victims in Santa Barbara is 60 now. Since the brief filed in August, another victim has been added to the list.

Emilie Elias received the Clergy Cases when Fromholz retired in December 2007, the coordinated cases settled in July of that year.

The Franciscan lawyers want to tie this case to LA because Santa Barbara was still part of the LA Archdiocese in 1964, when some of the sexual assaults in the Ongoing Public Nuisance lawsuit took place.

It appears to be a moot point, obvious waste of court time, almost negligent lawyering - Gaspari’s Request to Add-On is four pages long and just tacks on Hale’s 46-page motion as its one and only exhibit. You start to think, it’s obvious, it’s a slam dunk.

Then think of that quote from Naomi Klein this morning:

“Don't call them incompetent because they know exactly what they are doing.”

Stay Tuned. Below are outstanding quotes from opposition filed by NYE, PEABODY, STIRLING & HALE attorneys in Santa Barbara, copy and pasted in full at http://cityofangels11.blogspot.com

From Opposition (by Tim Hale):

"The subject Request to Add On is consistent with the Franciscans’ policy of secrecy. With twenty-four (24) Franciscan perpetrators and fifty-nine (59) victims since 1964, Santa Barbara is the epicenter in the Province of the harm caused by the Franciscans. As they have done so often with their perpetrators, it comes as no surprise that the Franciscans now seek to transfer this case as far away from Santa Barbara as possible, to a comparably disinterested community in Los Angeles where the lawsuit will most likely be ignored. Justice requires this case be heard in Santa Barbara, the community most severely injured by the Franciscans’ conduct.

"Instead of notifying law enforcement and empowering the public to protect their children, the Franciscans’ have sheltered these predators and thereby thrown to the wolves children in the communities throughout the Western United States where the Franciscans conduct their ministry.

"Franciscan corporate practices have created countless victims of childhood sexual abuse, and continue to put an even greater number of today’s children at risk to be sexually assaulted by predators whose identities and propensities are known only to the Franciscans.

"No community has suffered greater harm to its children, as a result of Franciscan criminal conduct, than Santa Barbara. Since 1964 the Franciscans have allowed no less than twenty-four (24) Franciscan perpetrators to live in Santa Barbara without any warning to the community.

Onward. . .

City of Angels Lady is homebound sick for a while (PTSD strikes hard even 50 years later). As a result we have not been able to go Document Diving, all stories have to be written over the computer and phone for now.

Onward against all odds. . .

Church fights release of LA files, hearing tomorrow in Elias court. Church claims no agreement to release anything, stop everything until they appeal

*****
By Kay Ebeling.

Surprise. Church Attorneys increase their full frontal attack to prevent release of LA pedophile priest personnel files in court tomorrow morning with an ex parte request filed September 15th and set for a hearing September 18th, 8:30 AM, Judge Emilie Elias’ Court (address below), a hearing arranged so quickly, it is not even on the public calendar.

A source told City of Angels: "They already have a stay in San Diego. They're trying to stop this process from going through at all, to have the release of documents put on hold for 60 days so (church attorney) Jassoy has time to go to the Court of Appeals."

The Catholic Church now argues: The 2007 settlements do not define and spell out how persnonel files will be released, or even if they will be released. The entire issue is up for argument.

“The Settlement Agreement and related stipulation do not reference the time period following issuance of the Order of Reference within which the personnel files must be sent to Judge Pate. (reviewing San Diego files). Paragraph 1I(a)(vii) to the stipulation / settlement agreement merely states that ‘the parties will immediately work with the Jurist to expedite review of the Files and the documents subpoenaed from Third Parties regarding the Accused offenders.’” So reads Notice of Ex Parte Application Requesting a Stay of Enforcement for this Court Order of Reference (which means stop the release of personnel files, or even the examining of personnel files to consider their release) submitted by attorney Robert K. Jassoy of San Diego, attorney for: “Specially Appearing Individuals.”

So again, obviously, the way to get these personnel files released is for some priest with a conscience to get hold of them and leak them to City of Angels Network or some other news medium. Church hierarchy are going to fight release of files to the end, as any organized crime hierarchy Mad Hatter teams of attorneys would do.

Motion on behalf of the Catholic Church goes on basically to say, Stop everything so that for one, the Church has time to prepare and file papers with the California Court of Appeals: “A stay is necessary to prevent IRREPARABLE INJURY and protect the individuals’ interests so that the files are not sent to and/or reviewed by Judge Pate before the (appeals) writ can be filed.” (Emphasis ours)

Two: “An identical application for Order of Reference is pending with respect to the Clergy I (LA) cases. That hearing is scheduled before this court on October 8, 2008. Should this court order a similar order of reference in the Clergy 1 Cases (should the court grant a stay on all progress in the LA cases as it has in the San Diego cases) it is anticipated that a writ (Appeal) will be filed with respect to that Order.

Church attorneys will just keep fighting and fighting like they've gone solar, and can now last even longer than the Energizer Bunny.

And be just as irritating.

Evidently there is more going on October 8th than the current Superior Court website reveals, where they announce these hearings quietly as: "Hearing-Oral Argument."

The church has already gotten a stay like this in San Diego, and now we should wait until the hearing October 8th, where the church will ask for the same stay on efforts to release documents in LA, and as Jassoy seems to believe, the stay will of course be granted.

“Should this court issue a similar Order of Reference for Clergy I (LA) cases, it is anticipated that a writ (Appeal) will be filed with respect to that Order," reads the church's motion.

The church argues: “Interests of judicial economy will be served by staying” the work on release of documents in both San Diego and LA, “so that writs can be filed at the same time” with respect to the LA Cases and San Diego cases.

"And by this process keep the release of documents from going anywhere,” a source tells City of Angels.

They are asking the court for time to file an appeal so they can fight the entire process of release of documents.

Sorry to have to report it, folks.

City of Angels will try real hard to be at the hearing tomorrow on this stay on all work to release personnel files. This hearing was scheduled so quickly, it did not even make the online calendar. It takes place 8:30 AM in in department 308 at 600 South Commonwealth Ave. At noon today the calendar read: "In the next 14 days calendar, there is no calendar for Case Number JCCP4286."

Robert K. Jassoy, Esquire of San Diego filed the motion.

I have to fit this hearing in with my newest job, this month on "Chef Jeff" in production for The Food Network. . . .

Sigh. Onward

PLEASE put some clicks on the PayPal Donate button to help finance these stories and investigations into the pedophile network in the Roman Catholic Church.

Post a comment full of rage, then recover a new memory - another day in the life of a pedophile priest rape survivor

*****
By Kay Ebeling

Federal Agents should storm archdioceses across the country with search warrants so they can find and SEIZE pedophile priest documents. Now in Portland, Oregon, as well as LA, we find bishops still fighting the plaintiffs and siding with criminal priests, fighting just as mean as they fought the civil cases to begin with, against the release of files that was ordered as part of civil settlements. Bishops will tell news cameras the church has changed, and then in court church attorneys continue their Mad Hatter Tea Party. The Catholic Church has bottomless briefcases full of cash, enough to keep paying lawyers to file meaningless motions and prevent civil release of predator priest files for decades and decades and decades.

WHERE is law enforcement? It is time to stop being afraid of this organized crime operation known as the Catholic Church. WE ALL KNOW they are pedophiles.

What else are they hiding? Otherwise they would be forthcoming with the files.

(This Just in: Dec. 5 at 10:30 will be a hearing before Judge Lichtman on the publication of the documents from the 2006 Santa Barbara settlement. "Yes, we're still fighting that fight," Says Tim Hale, "a sign of things to come in the LA and San Diego settlements undoubtedly as well.")

How Much Evidence do Attorneys General from the USA at the top on down to every city attorney in the country need before they see-

The Next Step From Here is Prosecution. These guys are thugs in robes, little more.

Kay Ebeling
Evangelical Christian Survivor of Catholic Pedophile Priest Rape

I just put a comment at Kelly Clark's website saying that, more or less

*********
Just A Typical Morning In My Life
Post a raging comment on a blog
Recover new memories of rapes I lived through at age five and six
Go to work
*********

Here is how it started. Reading the blog of Oregon attorney Kelly Clark, in the middle of a paragraph this phrase: “Plaintiffs in these cases are crime victims, are covered with the shame of child abuse, and do not need or deserve to be identified publicly.” (The entire post is at: http://kellyclarkattorney.com/opinion/117/ )

My mind slips to - wonder why I always want my name and story out there almost like a compulsion. In fact my sister who was also raped by Father Horne around the time of First Communion went through life with a very similar compulsion to mine, to write our life stories, focusing on all the weird sex, even when we didn't know why we were compelled to write.

So many pedophile priest crime victims I’ve met DON’T want their stories out, DON’T want their adult friends to know. I'm thinking why am I always so compulsed.

And then I remember, even say out loud - “oh yeah the cameras.”

And there I was in the middle of the memory as I sat at my computer. Hot lights, I even feel the chubby almost baby skin under my chin and arms, look to the left, silhouettes of males standing above and out of the light. I'm in the light and it’s hot.

No wonder my sister and I were so compulsed to go on film or TV or now me on a blog, go public, expose every detail of our contorted lives.

We were initiated into this club on camera.

For years all I’ve remembered of this incident was the big round thing. The big metal round thing pointed at me. It’s suspended in the air pointed at me holding incredibly still. And everyone in the room is being painstakingly quiet, working hard at being quiet, but occasionally a gasp of breath -

Lots of smoke in the room. Then I see a familiar face, now the cigarette goes to his mouth -

Projectile tears.

Those tears are a sign it’s a real recovered memory, for me anyway. The tears shoot out, huge thick oily salty globs of teardrop, along with a kind of choked sob, without any preliminary crying or even thought in advance, just all of a sudden, squish, out of both eyes.

No wonder my sister and I went through life writing draft after draft after draft, started and restarting our life stories. We were both stuck for life trying to figure out what really happened, and trying to tell it to the world.

I have file cabinets full of first second drafts and then first drafts all over again. That's not counting all the notebooks and stacks of typed manuscript I’ve lost.

My sister took her only copy of her life story on a flight to New York once to try to sell it, don’t know why she only had the one copy. It was in the days before computers but after Xerox machines. Still she only had one copy, carried it on an airplane, got drunk with some guys in first class, and lost it. Lost her manuscript. Left it on the plane.

In her version, she had graphic details of her time as a topless dancer in the early 1970s in Northern California. She’d go from tavern to tavern, dance, select two or three men from the crowd, and have them follow her home as she drove this blue beat up convertible sports car she drove then on the two lane country road to where she lived in inland Sonoma County. These new strange men would be in a line of VW vans or Mercedes or whatever behind her panting after her all the way to this metal barn she rented in the middle of nowhere -- to party into the night. . .

It was my sister’s former girlfriend who told me about the lost manuscript. Helen had been one of few people to read it, and as she described it to me her face took on a look of horror. Shocked at the sexual escapades, Helen said, “She was bragging about it all,” said Helen and I twitched.

My sister and I both have had trouble maintaining friendships. . .

*******
Most child rape victims do not want their names and stories in the news
*******

Unlike most pedophile priest rape victims, my sister and I keep wanting to tell our story to the world, in detail. I just assumed everyone else did too.

But more and more the few victims who I have gotten to know don’t want their names used, will tell me details of what happened to them only if I promise to keep it off the record, and then as we talk and get to know each other and they realize how much everything in my life spills out onto this blog, they tend to stop returning my calls and emails after awhile.

Barbara Blaine was in the news recently saying, “We're not here to help victims, they have to learn to help themselves,” and my first reaction was, man, that's cold. But she’s right.

For one thing there are hundreds and thousands of survivors.

Probably hundreds of thousands of people in the US today were molested in some way by a priest, either by an incident of inappropriate touching all the way to serial sodomy rape before serving Mass as an altar boy.

Young men in seminary getting their life dream slaughtered by the reality that so many priests are sodomite rapists that it’s almost woven into the tapestry of church structure.

Since there are close to five thousand predator priests in the Bishop Accountability database now, considering each one of them had as many as ten victims, probably more, you do the math.

There are too many of us to make any generalizations about where the priests were sent or what kind of kids they went after.

*********
They were everywhere and they went after everyone
*********

They were everywhere throughout the Catholic Church in America and they went after whatever kids they could get their hands on. It’s time to start looking at this epidemic for what it was -- an EPIDEMIC -- thousands of priests identified so far with hundreds and thousands of crime victims.

The entire structure of the church all the way back to putting men in seminary away from other people to become priests is corrupt and led to the pedophile epidemic of the late twentieth century in the United States.

Assuming it’s not continuing into the twenty-first century.

Onward. . .

Curious recusal of Justice Panelli may slow down, but will not stop plaintiffs in LA from pursuing pedophile priest confidential files per 7-07 orders

*
*****
By Kay Ebeling

Early next month LA Superior Court will kick restart the process of releasing priests’ files to plaintiffs from civil cases settled last year against Cardinal Roger Mahony and the Los Angeles Catholic Archdiocese. In an October 8th hearing plaintiffs ask Judge Emilie Elias to appoint a new referee to replace Edward A. Panelli, who suddenly recused himself last June. “Come October 8th we're going to have a name. Either we'll agree to a referee, or the judge will appoint one,” said Tony DeMarco.

Panelli’s recusal “very much took us by surprise,” DeMarco said. The plaintiff attorney from Kiesel Boucher Larson informed the court of Panelli’s recusal in a July hearing. “Defense counsel represented that they got a commitment from Panelli,” DeMarco said.

Did the Defendants pull the rug out from under you? I asked.

“(Panelli’s Recusal) calls into question whether or not archdiocese attorneys got the commitment from him at all,” DeMarco said, saying Panelli’s name was used continually during the negotiation process, for more than a year during pre and post settlement discussions between plaintiff and defense attorneys. DeMarco stopped short of accusing defense attorneys of anything untoward.

“I think it’s one of those things we will be judging down the road,” DeMarco said. “If the defendants try to utilize the recusal to create more delay, then I would have a strong belief in that.”

We'd Be Where We Are With San Diego Now. . .

DeMarco added: “When Panelli sent in the recusal it set us back awhile, because for one thing, I was doing hearings on production of documents in San Diego as well as LA. We just got the order in San Diego.

“We’d be in that position now in LA absent this recusal,” DeMarco said.

Production of documents and Panelli’s name are in print throughout the settlement agreement, for example in Paragraph 19:

“This is a general consensual reference for the purpose of permitting Justice Panelli to make final and binding determinations with respect to whether any documents that have been subpoenaed by any party to this settlement Agreement or otherwise, or were contained within the Personnel File relating to any accused offender to any of the lawsuits listed in Exhibit B shall be produced to the particular plaintiff in a particular settled action for public disclosure.”

Another reference to production of documents from Paragraph 19:

“The parties agree that the term ‘personnel file’ includes the personnel file, the confidential file, and any other documents, if any documents maintained by the Settling Defendants with respect to any accused offender in the particular Settled Action.”

And from the transcript of the settlement hearing in front of Judge Haley Fromholz July 17, 2007.

Cardinal Mahony's chief defense attorney

J. Michael Hennigan said:

“The essential terms are in the agreement and we do have a protocol that will result in the release of documents. And we have reached a protocol with respect to those that may be controversial about how to resolve those in the same way that we did with pre and post settlements that went through this court some time ago.”

Me, I think we are seeing another tap dance by attorneys for the LA Archdiocese:

I think they think

That because they've paid out a large settlement to so many plaintiffs,

That this little issue of release of documents

Will --

Just

Go

Away

"Release of priest files is just a problem that will disappear," daydreams the Cardinal as he sips his cherry wine.

Just like they made the pedophile problem go away by transferring predator priests from one parish to another parish.

*****
The Fight For Release of Files Will Not End Any Time Soon

NOT if Kiesel Boucher Larson have anything to say about it:

“The firm has made a commitment to see that these documents are made public and that the agreement is honored,” DeMarco said. “It’s in the settlement agreement. They have to turn the files over.”

DeMarco added:

“I can understand if some folks wonder why are we continuing on with this. These lawsuits against the archdiocese are not just something we did. This is a passion and a cause for us, for the firm, for Ray Boucher. I have been getting nothing but complete support of this firm to continue on with this as long as it takes.

“The document production is critical,” DeMarco continued. “There’s more kids being abused out there

(In fact in a post earlier today at City of Angels we write about another perpetrator priest arrested in January 2008 in Anaheim.)

“We've developed so much expertise over the years working on this case, and this is difficult emotional trying work to do,” DeMarco said. “There was a huge climax to this in Southern California over 700 cases settled in 2006-2007."

Think about it. More than 700 cases settled in Southern California over a two-year period.

DeMarco asserted repeatedly: the Kiesel Boucher Larson law firm has "made a commitment to see that these documents are made public and the agreement is honored and we will continue to fight until they turn over the files."

Let me repeat that.

We Will Continue To Fight Until They Turn Over The Files.

"It’s in the settlement agreement. They have to turn the files over," DeMarco said.

The procedure as agreed to with Judge Emilie Elias in July 2008:

Both sides submit three names and then Judge Emilie Elias chooses from those names or otherwise appoints a new referee, as parties agreed last July.

Elias can appoint the new referee at the October 8th hearing.

Panelli’s recusal letter was blunt, stating:

“The referee has considered the application of Canon 6 to the subject of this reference and based thereon has decided to recuse himself in this manner.

“At the present time the undersigned is serving as the Chair of the Diocesan Review Board for the Diocese of San Jose. The role of this board is to investigate charges of clergy abuse and to report its findings to the Bishop of the Diocese.

“While none of these cases at issue in this litigation are connected in any way to San Jose, the referee believes there could be the appearance of impropriety should he serve as Referee.

“The matters of issue have gained a great deal of public attention and in keeping with the Canons that a judge should avoid the appearance of impropriety, I have decided to recuse myself from this assignment. Signed June 11, 2008, Justice Edward A. Panelli (Retired)."

END OF PANELLI'S RECUSAL LETTER

ME: TALK ABOUT the appearance of impropriety.

There was none until Panelli recused himself.

Now, we are all suspicious of him. And did you notice he never refers to himself except in the third person: "the refereee." Guy must have a starfish backbone. . . a wet starfish backbone

I asked DeMarco, wouldn't the referee's being on a review board make him really qualified to review priest personnel files?

“Frankly, Kay, I have found if you have someone looking at the wrongdoings of priests, Catholics are usually more outraged than someone without as much exposure.”

Panelli’s being on the San Jose Review board “would make him more qualified.” DeMarco said. “Those boards are theoretically independent.”

So this story will be continued after the hearing October 8th and more after that I'm sure.

From LA Superior Court Website under Case Summaries:

Future Hearings
10/08/2008 at 10:00 am in department 308 at 600 South Commonwealth Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90005 Hearing-Oral Argument

Onward. . .

Pedophiles still slip into priesthood: in Anaheim, Rev. Ramirez sentenced quietly to 180 days in jail last month. Plus letters to the editor

*****
By Kay Ebeling

I had to keep checking the date, certain the news story I was reading was from at least the 1990s. Nope, the dates are August 19 and 20, 2008, Orange County Register, this time it’s an Augustinian from Mexico, The Rev. Luis Eduardo Ramirez, Youth Director at Our Lady of the Pillar parish in Santa Ana until January 2008 when he was arrested for taking a teenage boy to a motel and pouring him tequila while reaching under the boy’s pants. The kid ran out the door, told his parents, and yes, one thing different is that The Rev. Luis Eduardo Ramirez was arrested. Quietly. Under the radar.

In June, Ramirez pled out most of the charges, again quietly. “He was bailed out by his order, and pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery and burglary – a charge allowed when a building is used in the commission of a crime,” writes Rachanee Srisavasdi in the OC Register August 19th. “The case has not been publicized, other than a diocese announcement in the church bulletin.” (Photo of Ramirez above left is originally from the OC Register.)

Rev. Ramirez does not have to register as a sex offender. He must refrain from consuming alcohol except as part of religious ceremonies. . . . ah yes, those religious ceremonies with children and tequila....

180 Days in Jail: The more serious but still misdemeanor charges were dismissed: child annoyance, delinquency, and furnishing alcohol to a minor. So September 24 Ramirez begins serving his “180 days in jail” sentence in Santa Ana. He will then be on probation for three years.

John Manly, said the church and Anaheim city attorneys should have publicized this case, telling the OC Register:

"Putting an announcement in a parish bulletin is violating the diocese's promise to be transparent, open and honest."

Manly also said the Anaheim attorneys could have publicized the case but they did not.

A prior at Ramirez' order headquarters in New Jersey assured the Associated Press that Ramirez “Would not have any contact with the public or with children after he serves his sentence.”

Me: I'll bet.

Ramirez grew up in Guadalajara, Mexico, went to seminaries in Oxnard and Suffren, N.Y. He had recently been ordained when he arrived at the Santa Ana parish in 2003.

Here are links to two OC Register stories Aug 19 and Aug 20;

http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/news/local/crime/article_2130311.php
http://www.ocregister.com/articles/ramirez-priest-boy-2131743-judge-put

*****
This headline ran August 15 in the New York Daily News

Father Flim Flam finds new flock

The story goes on to say:

Father Flim Flam has gone from making confessions to taking them.

“Msgr. John Woolsey, who copped to stealing from a Manhattan parish, has found a new job as associate pastor of a Westchester church.

ME: It’s great to see the church getting the lack of respect it duly deserves

RE: THE DAILY NEWS STORY:

This is all old news to us, sure, it’s great to see mainstream media writing headlines like these. Story linked here:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2008/08/14/2008-08-14_father_flim_flam_finds_new_flock.html

********
Letters to the Editor:

From Udo Strutynski
Los Angeles

Monsignor Malvolio cannot grant Flotsly absolution

Dear Kay,

I think you misunderstood what George meant when he said "within the seal." (See September 5 post.)

The phrase refers to the seal of confession, which normally forbids any priest, under pain of excommunication, to reveal anything he heard from a penitent in confession to anybody else.

"Anybody else" includes the president and the pope, and maybe even Jesus if he came back as a human being. In other words, what a penitent confesses to a priest remains confidential, i.e., "sealed." Now, Crimen solicitationis carves out an exception to this absolute "seal" by requiring a solicitation made by a priest during confession to be reported to the Office for the Doctrine of the Faith in the Vatican. This Office, in turn, would be bound by the seal and could not reveal it to anyone else.

How this would work is as follows: Maisie confesses lustful desires for Jack to Father Flotsky. Flotsky takes advantage of Maisie's horniness by offering himself as her sexual partner. At this point, Flotsky has committed a "crime solicitationis", a crime of solicitation during confession.

Now, when Flotsky goes to confess this "crime" to his spiritual mentor, Monsignor Malvolio, Malvolio cannot grant Flotsly absolution and forget about it. He must refuse absoltion and immediately report this "crime" to the Office in the Vatican.

The Office is then responsible for keeping the secret of this confession, while they investigate what happened tbetween Flotsky and Maisie. All the while, both Flotsky and Maisie are forbidden to talk about this to anyone except duly appointed representatives of the Office.

If either of them talks, he or she will be automatically excommunicated.

I hope this helps.
Udo

Yup, Udo, laughter always helps, and it’s about all we've got, really. . .

********
Letter 2:
From
Kay Goodnow
Lenexa, Kansas

How to Fluck the Flock

Thank you, City of Angels Lady, for time and effort spent analyzing the "George effect." (Sept. 5 post)

This entire situation runs parallel to the settlement now in process in the diocese of Kansas City / St. Joseph, Missouri.

It helps to remember that the "institutional" church has no direct connection to the "god" these idiots have so carefully crafted over a long period of time. It also helps to remember that all human beings are fallible. To that extent, at least, we are all equal.

We victims are a "business deal." Money is the only thing that the Church of the Almighty Dollar understands."

So here's the formula: A cult uses brainwashing and ritual memories to control sheep, a/k/a "flucking the flock." The cult believes they can do whatever they want to do... and so it is.

Kay Goodnow
Lenexa, KS

*****
Letter No. 3
Do We Really Need Priest Off?

Dear City of Angels Lady:

I applaud at your advertisement of the You Tube "Priest Off".

In the light of all that has happened with some of Clergy in the Catholic Church, you are mocking and making fun of it.

It is bad enough that the victims have been hurt and scarred by these Clergy. I ask that you try and use your better judgement [sic] in letting "Trash Vidoes" on your website. I myself have a close friend that was molested and don't see what good this does for him or others that are trying heal and move on with there lives.

Sincerely,
Luis Delgado

*****

Like I said, humor is just about all we've got, sorry you can't see that, Mr. Delgado

More Stories coming soon.

Onward. . .

Good Priests Blow the Whistle, Not Little Boys. End the crisis in the church, leak documents to City of Angels Network

***

Dear Priests. City of Angels Network will keep your identity secret. Leak documents here:

September begins with 2 guerrilla tactics for the coming year. Plus, it was not a hiatus, it was self imposed lockdown

*****
By Kay Ebeling
Tues. August 12, I cut off the blog for a few weeks, or else I would have self destructed, lashing out and trashing every person and every organization I’ve encountered in the last year. Apparently going back to the scene of the crime by visiting your perpetrator church, as we did here last July, can affect you. After hitting Reply To All on several emails and alienating about 25 people, I could see I had to let the rage pass before I said anything more in public.

So I sat tight as mainstream journalists missed the story over and over again, for example, when attorneys in both California and Illinois found ways to get around statutes of limitations for child sex crimes. (We will run both those stories here at City of Angels Network this month.) From this dark internal place I opened an email from Rick Springer, a link to NBC5 in Chicago with Francis Cardinal George talking to reporters about the Chicago settlements saying:

“In 2006 I invited anyone who had been abused by a priest to come forward. I promised we would continue to settle cases no matter when they occurred or how far back they occurred and even if the perpetrator priest is deceased.” --

I sputtered - Who the- what the-????? and within seconds was screaming into the voicemail of Matt Hunnicutt, head of Victim Assistance in Chicago:

“How come in all the times I called the Chicago Archdiocese asking for help in the past year, no one mentioned these settlements in progress, no one said the cardinal wants to settle cases no matter how far back they occurred. All Victims Assistance ever gave me was a phone number for a therapist in LA. A 310 phone number! How am I supposed to pay for a therapist in the 310 area code. Who decides who gets a settlement and who doesn't, and what are the rest of us supposed to do, just live with all this damage? Huh? Huh? Snarrrll.” Funny thing is he called me back. More on my ongoing conversation with the Chicago Archdiocese in an upcoming post here at City of Angels Network.

The blog is back with two guerrilla tactics to plan the next year. Maybe we can talk them over in person at Hope in the Heartland in Wichita, Kansas, October 10-11. This is the third year Janet Patterson has put this conference together with the focus on survivors interacting with each other, and on food. Friday night is Open Mike Night, with pizza. Saturday starts with a buffet breakfast and features a long lunch --

A time and a place for us to eat and to actually confer, all included with your $25 dollars. For more information about Hope in the Heartland, Oct 10 and 11 in Wichita write to: snapkansas@hotmail.com

City of Angels Guerrilla Tactic One:

A Document Dump -

On one coordinated day, in early 2009 when the new US Congress is seated and settled, City of Angels readers print out as many documents as possible. Then in a coordinated effort, we'll all arrive at our local congressional offices, the one a few miles from your home -- and all of us DUMP THE DOCUMENTS on their desks, a big overwhelming unmanageable pile of documents -- and say:

“We demand congressional hearings into conspiracy and other federal crimes committed by the Catholic Church that caused thousands of children to be ceremonially raped in United States Catholic churches in the last 75 years .

“We demand a federal level investigation.”

Hopefully the press will be there with us as we dump documents on their desks.

Guerrilla Tactic Two:

Petitions of the People

They only do it in some Catholic churches at some masses but at that point before Communion where people in the pews call out for prayer for one thing in particular, you call out loud,

“For the Crime victims living with PTSD from being raped by pedophile priests.”

The parishioners in the pews are then supposed to repeat, “Lord hear our prayer.”

We tried it in Bartlett, Illinois, last July at St. Peter Damian Church’s weekday morning Mass, and my calling out caused the entire chapel to come to a standstill, silence for several long seconds, lots of suddenly tense backs in front of me. It would be more effective to keep going back to mass and doing it over and over again.

This to me is a truly underground grass roots type guerrilla tactic. Take a friend or two if you are scared and go to a church that does petitions of the people during Mass, and when you hear them start going “Lord hear our prayer” you call out

“For the church to finally confess its felonies”

or

“For Congressional hearings into crimes committed by bishops”

or something along those lines.

In each case, the goal is a criminal investigation -- on a Federal level -- because the pedophile priest epidemic spread through every diocese, almost every parish.

VOTF video featured above

Above the headline for this post is a video someone from VOTF put up last week at YouTube.

At the end of the VOTF video are phone numbers for

Illinois Attorney General
(312-814-3000)

and

Cook County State’s Attorney Richard A. Devine,
(312-603-7985).

In case you were not able to write them down.

To watch the VOTF video at YouTube just type in the title: Calling all Catholics.

In the video, VOTF says the deposition of Cardinal George reveals lawbreaking at the highest levels of the church.

We need a federal investigation.

City of Angels has a few more phone calls to make before posting our take on the deposition of Cardinal George, so our target for that post, with excerpts from the deposition and our commentary, will be in the next most likely Friday.

It’s a good thing I saved the cardinal's deposition when I downloaded it a few weeks back, because it’s not on the archdiocese website anymore. The cardinal and Jeff Anderson announced with much ballyhoo that they were putting the Cardinal’s deposition on the Chicago Archdiocese website,

Demonstrating how open and transparent the hierarchy is going to be from now on.

And now already the cardinal’s deposition has been taken down from the archdiocese website.

Just when people are getting back from vacation who never saw it.

Here is the link to the Cardinal’s announcement at NBC5 speaking to the press August 12th.

http://video.nbc5.com/player/?id=284744

********
Yes I finally learned how to put links in my blog posts!
********

NEWS:

Joey Piscitelli finally gets settlement he was awarded in June 2006

(The following is an excerpt from Joey Piscitelli's essay published August 26, 2008, at Voice From The Desert)

As I protested in many events at Catholic Churches in San Francisco in the last 6 years, the most memorable statement I have ever heard came from a Salesian Priest at St. Peter and Paul’s in San Francisco. I was handing out flyers about the World Record amount of child abusers at Salesians in the Bay Area, and a Salesian Priest came out of the Church, and grabbed a flyer from my hand, and tore it up and threw it at me and said loudly, “You will lose your case in Appeals Court because God is on our side!”

And what God would that be?

(In Appeals Court) as the Salesian attorney repeatedly denounced me as a liar, the appellate judges listened patiently. When she had finally finished, the judges addressed the real issues.

Yesterday, the judges posted their decision. I won the Appeal brought by the Salesians, and the jury trial decision was upheld.

Although the Salesians have never apologized to me, and never will, I can’t help but wonder…how do they feel about their Creator?

*********
From Los Angeles, Vicki Martin Letter to Editor published in Belleville News-Democrat

Don’t know if anybody else caught it, but Vicki Martin got this letter published in the Belleville News-Democrat after the recent $5 million jury award to a former altar boy there in late August:

To the Editor:
Truth sets us free

I was a childhood victim of clergy sexual abuse by a Roman Catholic priest, so I know what my Illinois brothers and sisters in suffering are going through.

As in Belleville, the Archdiocese of Los Angeles and the Diocese of San Diego in California used every legal action imaginable to stop the victim's civil cases against the church from going forward. Why? The bishops of the Catholic Church didn't want the stories of the sexual butchery of children by priests, brothers, deacons and nuns to go public. The attorneys for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles even tried to get the U.S. Supreme Court to strike down the victim's right to sue. The Supreme Court would not even hear their arguments.

The stories of clergy sexual victimization have slowed in recent years because, for the first time in the history of the Roman Catholic Church, her children are being protected. But the hierarchy of the church cannot take credit for this change of policy. No, these changes came by way of the determination of the survivors of these perverted crimes, the integrity of our democratic legal system and the courage of the press.

I hope that these civil court actions in Illinois, and particularly Belleville, will continue to go forward to the benefit of the victims. Then and only then will the Catholic Church learn that there are consequences for such perverse and ungodly crimes.

Victoria Martin
San Pedro, Calif

************
I can’t even find the place to click to send letters to the Belleville News-Democrat or I would have written about this:.

A Belleville News-Democrat AUG 29 editorial said:

“This trial makes the Catholic Church and its priests look bad. But most priests are good -- men who have never abused a child and who are also appalled with the hierarchy's failure to protect children. Those priests need the public's support now more than ever.”

I tried to send the following letter to the editor and could not find the link anywhere at the News-Democrat site, so again, kudos to Vicki Martin.

Re: Priests needing the public’s support:

No they don’t. .

It’s impossible for priests to have gone through seminary and not seen the epidemic of pedophile priests going on right in front of them. There’s no way a modern priest does not know about pedophiles in their numbers. Guys talk, even during devotional mandatory silence periods, humans communicate.

Where were the whistle blowers?

Where are the whistle blowers?

No I don't feel any special compassion for men who continue to don a dress and stand in front of a parish of people and perpetuate the lie that is the Catholic Church.

No I don't feel any special compassion for men who watch standby and do nothing while children are being sodomized and otherwise raped.

No no no-no-no no-no-no no-no-no no-no-no no-no-no

Guess the anger is still sizzling,
bristling,

More to come,
as we cook it up here at City of Angels Network.

I called out, Pray for Those Raped by Pedophile Priests, Damaged. Still trying to live. Response at my perpetrator church was silence.

*****

By Kay Ebeling
City of Angels

As we drove to morning mass at my perpetrator church Wednesday, we joked we were a vocal act, me in the lead, the three women from Geneva my backup singers. Inside the church, they got to the part where people call out, pray for this, pray for that, and the people say, "Lord hear our prayer." I thought, why not, and bellowed: “For all of us who were raped by pedophile priests as children and as a result live with damaged lives, but we still keep living.”

Silence. I saw bodies in front of me tighten. Silence continued. Finally one of my backup singers cantered, “Lord Hear our prayer” and the people in the church came back to life, responded with her, and they all then went on with their requests. No one looked at me, no one was curious. I know if I’d been in an evangelical church and said that, I’d be surrounded by more women than I'd want to be, wanting to comfort me. Instead, I went outside and talked to God through a tree.

Half hour later I was able to say to the pastor: “There are residual effects. The pedophile epidemic did not just damage the direct victims. Every one of us took our warped sexuality from being raped by priests as children and went out into the world. So there are a lot more victims. Every wife whose husband I went after, every person who I convinced to do something sexually that they otherwise wouldn't have done.”

Father Tom Hoffman came to St. Peter Damian in 2003, he’s been there five years. Father Tom Horne raped my sister and me there from 1949 to 1955, that many years ago, and even though I'm pretty sure my father got a settlement from the Chicago Archdiocese and I know the archdiocese knew what Father Tom Horne did to my sister and me, Father Horne did not leave that parish for another 20 years.

Yet today Father Tom Hoffman, who’s been at the church five years, could say to me in a, “get over it” voice that he’s certain there have been no reports about Father Horne, other than this one now, he’s hearing this for the first time right now as we're talking in the parking lot.

And the Geneva Pietras sang out Dip doo wah, dippy dip doo wah

How I Ended Up Talking To the Pastor in the Parking Lot

I'm still looking for the door to the rectory or something to help me remember it. As Mass continued, I went around the back of the building, and kind of climbed through some bushes so I could peer in a window of this structure that is standing right where the entrance to the old rectory used to be.

“Is there something I can help you with?” Busted. The voice was someone busting me.

This guy walks up in shorts and a fishing hat, looking very civilian so my first thought was oh no here comes a deacon. I shake up and step out of the bushes. “I used to go to this church in the 1950s.” Small talk leads to me saying, “You mean the chapel is the same size as the original church? Isn’t that strange? Usually when a person comes back to a place from their childhood, the place looks so much smaller, but for me, that chapel looks so much bigger.”

The Chapel looks bigger than the original church

Since I used to go there as a kid it should seem smaller

Ah yes, a little pinch from God reminding me that, yes, my life did get turned upside down in that structure

Dip do wah, dippy dip doo wah

As we talk I realize the deacon in Bermuda shorts is Father Tom, the current pastor of St. Peter Damian, who delivered that warped version of Scripture last Sunday (see July 22 post).

Creepy.

He looks a lot like our perpetrator Fr. Horne, Father Thomas Barry Horne, same coloring, same self presentation.

Father Tom as we would have called him in a more informal era. . . .

Dip do wah, dippy dip doo wah

Sometimes when someone who I know truly hates me is in my face, I just channel my father. I become articulate and sharp, think quick on my feet, like he did.

Father Tom came to St. Peter Damian parish in 2003 when things were “in turmoil” because, well Father Lupo had just left thanks to zero tolerance. There were a lot of angry parishioners, said the current Father Tom.

What bothers me is his resemblance to Father Horne. Father Tom Horne.

Before I know it I'm standing behind him, close beside him, and I whisper, "I used to pound on Father Horne’s door. I liked what Father Horne did to me."

Father Tom tensed up and his eyes cast down askance at me.

Shit what am I doing,

I was on the other side of the group quick.

Unintentionally, without hesitation, I was trying to seduce this priest. I was the little girl rubbing up against Father Horne, or I would have been in five more seconds.

Scary.

Creepy.

The damage is so cellular.

Dip doo wah, dippy dip doo wah

Luckily I had my backup singers with me. The Geneva Pietras. We haven’t written our first song yet, but these three middle class Republican moms from Geneva, Illinois, were with me. And since they stayed through the mass and took communion, they staple gunned the two priests into a corner of the parking lot with me.

They tell me today, it was a good communication, "we made history," that Father Tom Hoffman of St. Peter Damian Church at least was willing to listen.

I felt I had to work too hard to make him listen to me.

So I sing the lead:

Is there a pedophile priest here in this crowd tonight?

And the Pietras sing:

Dip do wah, dippy dip doo wah.

I'm amazed at what a rock of emotional balance I’ve become, or maybe a better word is “control” as in the way an alcoholic in denial “controls” their drinking. Oddly, or serendipitously as life goes, I left this extremely weird and should be earth shaking event in my life, talking to the current pastor of my perpetrator church, and instead of going to a therapy session, or even home to moan and cry and throw things --

I went to lunch.

Then came home and did two more hours work on a video from LA, a really hard one, for marketing software that creates ecosystems and virtual machines, a really complicated tape for my job.

I came home and did my job.

Then when it was done and the document sent, I closed the computer

Then started moaning and throwing things.

I was able to hold onto it for hours and continue to act like a normal human being, even do a really complicated job, with this tumultuos upheaval just underneath wanting to come out.

I controlled it.

Still, I left that Wednesday morning encounter with a lead weight strapped on me, holding me down. Father Tom managed to project enough guilt onto me that for a while in my hotel room, I was seriously wondering why I’m doing this.

So I stuck my head down in between my two stereo speakers,

really wondering at the time why I was choosing that particular position, and

blasted music in my head.

John Lennon, Because the world is round, it turns me on. Because the world is round. Ah.

Then called someone from Linkup in Chicago and asked, are you sure what I'm doing is worthwhile? Heck yeah it is, he said. So I'm still here.

Towards the end of the conversation in the parking lot, the dear priest was ready to write the whole thing off with a so long, and “I’ll pray for you. I’ll pray for you.” like that would change something. Like I'm not praying every day myself and his prayers will somehow have more influence with the big guy than mine will.

I jumped in and said, Praying is not enough. We need action.

Father Tom stepped back, put the palm of his hand over his heart and said, “Now see that, that offends me, because I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a priest.” My backup singers, the Geneva Pietras jumped in.

Dip doo wah, Dippy doo wah

The Geneva Pietras told Father Tom Hoffman

You better listen to survivors oh, no, no, no,

you can’t just jump in with a judgment sir, no-no-no.

The Geneva Pietras had credibility with the pastor as they had sat through the mass and then walked up with Father Walter, the other priest at the church, a little pixie from Poland who is so new to all this.

The Geneva Pietras talked to Father Walter after mass and now he is very enthusiastic about opening a dialogue between the church and survivors.

He's so young. He's so new at all this.

The Geneva Pietras walked up and joined Father Tom and City of Angels Lady and suddenly I had more creds. He had to listen to all of us.

So when he put his hand on his t-shirt over his heart and said to me, "Now that offends me,"

The Pietras jumped in with:

“No, no, no, no"--

You gotta listen Father Tom, you gotta listen. . .

Their conversation continued.

One comment by Rev. Thomas Hoffman made gave him away.

He was trying to make me feel guilty, instead he gave himself away.

"Everyone has a tell" -- James Bond.

As I sat waiting for a Metra the next day it hit me. Father Tom gave it away that he knew who I was and he had read this blog even though he acted like it was all new to him.

In the conversation with the Geneva Pietras, the priests and me, I said,

“Another thing is the imagery, like that statue where is it on the grounds here, with the kids are”-

“That is a statue of Jesus,” exclaimed Father Tom, interjecting, jumping on top of my words like he knew what I was talking about.

Because the world is round it turns me on. Because the world is round. Ah.

Yesterday sitting at Bartlett Station it hit me right out of the blue, He jumped in too fast. He already knew what I was talking about, the statue in front of the church, what I thought was an anonymous saint with kids climbing all over his lap. He said to me, “That's a statue of Jesus,” and he let his real contempt show through.

He was too angry, when he said that.

Yes from the beginning, he claimed he had no idea who I was, or anything that had been written by me about Father Horne and St. Peter Damian Church.

Because the sky is blue it makes me cry, because the sky is blu-u-u-u-u-uuuuue, Ah.

I took him off guard, Father Tom, when I held out my hand and introduced myself.

I said, "I’m here just as a courtesy. You have a right to know that I'm going to be here, and I'm coming back, and I’ll be talking to people, and I’ll be writing some nasty things about your church and crimes that were committed here.”

I asked if I could go through their archives and look for pictures of my father.

He said, “I’ll think about it."

I said “Oh, is that statue supposed to be Jesus?”

For a good 24 hours I hankered over whether I should take down the picture from that July 22nd post.

No.

Jesus isn’t in the statue. In fact, I put a call out here right now to my readers.

Is there any passage in the New Testament that brings to mind the image of Jesus sitting somewhere with children climbing all over him?

I’m in my hotel room with my speakers up against each ear, John Lennon full blast, “Here comes the sun, and I know, it’s alright.” I have the volume at max and still had to stick my head right up in between the speakers and still it wasn’t really loud enough.

Now I'm in the what I should have said stage of the conversation, which started a few hours later.

I should have said,

“Well now you have gotten a report about two people who were sexually assaulted as children by Father Horne, my sister and me.

Write it down.”

I should have said:

“You're offended? I’m talking about rape of two little girls when they were at the age you study for First Confession."

What I should have said:

The church empowered pedophiles everywhere by protecting its own.

So now:

There is an epidemic of pedophilia in the USA today, because pedophiles saw Catholic priests getting away with it.

The church today is directly responsible for children being taken out of their homes, raped, and then murdered today.

The church empowered pedophiles across the world, by pampering and protecting the pedophiles in its own seminaries and parishes.

Because the wind is high it blows my mind. Because the wind is high. Ah. . .

You're offended?

A mutilated reading from the Book of Matthew at my perpetrator church where I have to run out of the building grasping for air. . .

*****
By Kay Ebeling
City of Angels
Bartlett, IL

“One of the worst faculty offenders was Fr. Donal Collins, teacher and then principal,” writes Joe Rigert about St. Peter’s College Seminary in Ireland. “In a bizarre manifestation of his perversion, Collins would visit a dormitory at night to measure the penises of the boys under the pretext of ascertaining whether they were growing normally.”

The image of a little Irish priest in his night vestment with a nightcap on, maybe shaped like a leprechaun, approaching the boys’ dorm beds with his fingertips dancing, a Dr. Seuss villain grin on his face as he sings, “I'm coming to measure your penis tonight” -- that image kept bouncing into my head making me sit upright and laugh, brought me back to life Monday night.

I went to Mass, or tried to go to Mass, at the church my perpetrator priest founded last Sunday. I ended up having to run out of the church doubled up in pain. I sat in the back, knowing I might need to make a fast exit. Every five minutes one of the ushers would come up to me, “Do you want me to deliver to you the Holy Eucharist?” They kept saying that to me like Communion was this mystical magical almost scary thing. I sat through a sermon where the guy twisted the meaning of a Bible passage, I listened to a reading from The Book of Wisdom thinking wha-? Now they even make up their own books of the bible?

All that was fine, I was even daydreaming I could become part of this church, maybe sing in the choir. Then they started the murmuring. It’s right after the collection, or during it, the whole mass of people start reciting the act of contrition, but it wasn’t the words, it was the sound. The voices together murmuring, whispering, speaking in low dark voices, repeating words of a prayer -- I started squirming and soon pain shot all over me, everywhere. I had to get out. I said to the two crippled ladies next to me there in the handicap section, “Some days are worse than others,” and tried to hobble out the door. But the ushers, the greeters, all the way through the lobby were following me, “Wait, wait, you have not yet partaken of the Holy Eucharist.”

Let me outta here I screamed inside as I burst out into the fresh air. I walked to Bartlett Tavern and convinced the bartender make a pot of coffee, so I could sit outside and finish reading Irish Tragedy by Joe Rigert, thinking I would meet other survivors of pedophile priests at St. Peter Damian Church there. I didn't. I have to come back and spend more time in Bartlett to do this right. Those little old ladies who may have also known Father Horne were not here at Bartlett Tavern. How am I going to find the money to come back here for six months and will that even be enough time?

I stayed in my hotel room all the next day with the curtains drawn.

All day yesterday I didn't even pick up the phone to set up appointments I need to make before I leave Saturday. I just took Tylenol PM and slept.

Luckily there was a Linkup meeting that night, they meet here monthly and support each other and listen to each other, in a way that just doesn't seem to happen in LA. In LA support groups don't work even AA doesn't work in LA. So Monday night I sat in a room with survivors and advocates, less than ten of us, we all got to talk, no one shut anyone up and told you to stop breathing out loud.

Good Thing There Was A Meeting as I Was Beginning to Think I Should Quit this Project -

Good thing there was that Linkup support meeting too, because I spent a good part of Monday thinking I should quit pursuing a story about my own perpetrator’s parish, St. Peter Damian Church in Bartlett, Illinois.

There appears to be so many happy families with lots of little kids going there. . . .

The church was packed, both masses I got to Sunday. St. Peter Damian in Bartlett is a breathtaking church, designed and architected with quality right up there with the best from home and garden TV shows I’ve worked on in the past years.

As the Mass went on, I couldn't stop the fantasies from returning.

I start thinking I could be part of this church. A soprano began to sing a solo and her voice was shaky and aging. I couldn't help but think, I used to sing professionally, maybe someday I could sing here in this church. It came time for the “people” to respond and I belted out my “Allelujah” in full Hair 1969 Chorus holler, causing heads to turn.

Just once. They got to hear the voice just once.

The pastor then gave a sermon, “Calling to mind a parable from the Book of Matthew.” He glared at me, knew who I was as he freely reworded and relayed a part of the New Testament to the parish, didn't even say what chapter in the Book of Matthew he was reading. Catholic priests often assume lay people don't want to read for themselves.

The pastor glared right at me while he sermonized, and I got that feeling again, they knew I was coming. He prepared this sermon knowing City of Angels Lady might be in the audience.

"An enemy has done this," he warbled reminding me of a used car salesman, sleeeezy delivery, "Someone has come in during the night and sowed weeds among the wheat.” Then the pastor gave his interpretation, “God will throw them in to the fiery furnace.”

I nodded, ah yes, the current Catholic Deny Wrongdoing By Pedophile Priests Talking Point. I get it in my email a lot as well:

“God will judge them. It’s not our place. Yes, there were a few bad priests among us, but God will take care of them. meantime get on with your life.

However in Matthew Chapter 13 the Parable of the Weeds, it doesn't say God will judge them.

It says the harvesters working in the field will make the decision, or in a different translation, it’s the reapers working for the landowners.

Either way, the pastor giving a sermon to throngs of parents and children at St. Peter Damian Church got it wrong.

As to the pedophile priest epidemic, a true interpretation of the parable of the seeds would be:

Survivors and advocates could not root out the criminals as soon as we found them. We had to go through a gestation or growth period, what the survivor movement has done for almost 20 years.

Now it’s time to go to harvest -- Congressional hearings, rewriting of SOL laws, prosecution of organized crime in the church -- and plain old folks will be harvesters and reapers, finally getting rid of the weeds, the organized criminals in the Catholic Church.

There They Go Rewriting The Bible Again

So there I was, my first time back in a Catholic Church in years, literally decades maybe, and there was the priest up there in a dress giving a warped interpretation of a bible passage to a packed house, insidiously filling their brains with the idea that nobody’s perfect, of course there were some priests among us who sodomized little boys and girls, but they're just a few weeds among the fine buds like the rest of us.

I made it through half the Mass at least. I saw a lot of ladies with hair and wrinkles about the same as mine, so if they were in Bartlett 50 years ago, they knew Father Horne. I have made up my mind to come back here in the fall so I can to find people here and interview them.

But that pain got to me. It struck me like a knife slice through the soul as soon as those people started the murmuring. I had to get outta there. Then Monday I didn't pick up the phone. No wait, I did.

First someone called and said they’d give me a ride to the Linkup meeting. Then I tried to make an appointment with the woman in Village of Bartlett’s historical museum. But it was already after 6 PM.

Okay, I’m back awake today.

Will run the entire passage from Matthew about the bad seeds among the good, but first

SURVIVORS’ LULLABY is a personal and intimate little book that documents the experience in Boston when the story broke in 2002, in the words of some of the original warriors. I hope editor and producer of the book, Boston's Ruth Moore starts working on a sequel. Moore is one of the Sidewalk VOTF members who have demonstrated outside the cathedral in Boston every Sunday now since 2002. They are not going to quit any time soon. Here is a segment of Ruth Moore's book: Survivors' Lullaby

“Would you believe your child, if she told you that she was held over an open hole at the local cemetery and threatened to be interred there if she revealed her secret? Or would you believe her if she said she had been placed on the altar in the lower church and was badly hurt by a hooded man? Tragically, both of these situations are details from two separate survivor accounts included within the pages of this book.”

So opens the introduction of Survivors’ Lullaby, Giving Witness from Boston to the Clergy Sex Abuse Crimes, a collection of firsthand accounts, writings, poetry, whatever survivors wanted to submit, published in June 2006. Survivors’ Lullaby gives a firsthand view, no agenda, just survivors describing what it’s like to survive sex crimes in the Catholic Church. Longtime Boston survivors’ advocate Ruth Moore gathered the material and wrote the introduction which is so moving and edifying we are running it in entirety here at City of Angels, continued here:

“Even today it is difficult to describe what it was like to be in Boston on the sidewalk in front of the Cathedral of the Holy Cross, as the explosion from the sex abuse crimes rippled around the World. Why this explosion began in Boston, we may never know. We do know that this crisis had been bubbling below the surface for many years.

“Spontaneously, strangers, both survivors and their supporters, gathered at the Cathedral in a desperate search for answers, truth and justice. We soon became friends and our friendships developed into several caring and loving communities. People from around the US and Canada connected with us through the Internet and survivor conferences.

“Several of our Internet friends made the trip to Boston to meet with us personally and to take part in regional demonstrations. Joe came in from Colorado and joined the Solidarity march in Manchester New Hampshire, calling for Bishop McCormack’s and Bishop Christian’s resignations. He held a huge poster with his childhood picture for the first time and proclaimed publicly that he had been sexually abused by a Catholic priest as a child. Elizabeth made the trip from Toronto, Canada, and Linda and Jeanne came from Truro, Nova Scotia to stand with us on a rainy April morning calling for Cardinal Law’s resignation. Their accounts are among those included within the chapters (of Survivors’ Lullaby).

From early on in the clergy sex abuse crisis we were concerned that a record of the turmoil and conversation that occurred on the sidewalk in front of the Holy Cross Cathedral in Boston would be lost. We were certain that over time the Catholic Church would reshape this historical information to minimize the true extent and scope of the crimes that were committed by too many priests and their enabling bishops.

Some of us talked of writing a book, and at first this project seemed to be a matter of collecting life accounts and other written recollections, and then find a publisher. I didn't realize how difficult this project would be until I sat down to write my own story. Immediately my mind flooded with 18 months worth of heart wrenching conversations with courageous survivors. Visual snapshots of contentious encounters with clergy and laity and hundreds of posters decrying our anguish flashed across my mind. This picture was too big to capture with words. No one could put their arms around it and describe accurately what had happened. I did not comprehend how difficult it was for survivors to even begin to record their traumatic accounts.

We slowly collected accounts, formatted email entries, and listed tentative chapters.

Several of the survivor accounts included within the book are shocking and difficult to read. Some details of the sexual, ritual, and childhood abuse are graphic and not intended for younger readers or for those who are sensitive and emotionally fragile.

Many of us will be unable to comprehend the phrase “ritual abuse,” understand the scope of this evil or the devastation it causes, especially when performed within the church.

Following are some compelling quotes by local (Boston) survivors:

“Our biggest issue is one of trust.”
Bill Gately

“Look at me, listen to our stories, and let yourself be horrified.”
Ann Webb

“You need the truth before you can heal.”
Susan Renehan

“Your silence is deafening.”
John Harris

“I am here personally for those dead victims.”
Steve Lewis

“They do not believe in their own God.”
Phil Cogswell

“Those of you who have endured, speak truth to power.”
Steve Lynch

“Trusting doesn't mean you can’t ask questions.”
Kathy Dwyer.

Ruth Moore continued:

These truths can be told, and must be told. They must be recorded for all generations to know of the silent terror so many children and innocent adults endured at the hands of the Catholic Church.

ME: Is Survivors’ Lullaby still available to buy?

RUTH MOORE: “Yes the book can be ordered on line at Authorhouse, Amazon, or can be ordered at any book story. I believe we are up to about three hundred copies in circulation.”

Recommended reading, the beginning of our short history. And I am convinced again, to keep on going ONWARD with my own pursuits.

***********

The The Parable of the Seeds, Matthew 13:24-30, reads:

“The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?'

‘An enemy did this,' he replied.
"The servants asked him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?'

“'No,' he answered, 'because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.'"

Where does it say there, leave the weeds for God to find them later and throw them into the fiery furnace, and where the heck is the fiery furnace anyway?

When I left St. Peter Damian I tried to be polite. I even stopped to sign the guest book, “Illegible” was here from Los Angeles. A woman who looked like a nun in street clothes followed me to the door, still repeating, “The Holy Eucharist, you haven’t had your Holy Eucharist.”

Onward . . .